Here’s the first installment:

Rules to live by (or not)

1. If you have a bad experience at a tournament or other pickleball-related event, don’t try to get over it or work to resolve it, just let it fester and fester and then dwell on it forever — eventually moving your displeasure onto social media (where it will similarly dwell forever). -- Bill Maloy, friend of Eddie
2. If a tournament starts running behind schedule, go to the tournament desk and berate any tournament officials you see. They’ll need that additional stress to help get things back on track. -- Bill Maloy, Participant, Battle for the Pink 2021
3. When choosing partners for Recreational play, be sure to always choose the strongest available partner — otherwise the match could be uncomfortably competitive. -- Bill Maloy, Recreational Pickleball Player
4. When arriving at a practice venue following a rainy evening, be sure to arrive 15-20 minutes late … otherwise you might get roped into court-prep. -- Bill Maloy, ... well you get the idea
5. If you open an umbrella at Lott Park, it becomes someone else’s responsibility to secure it. You can just get on with your life.
6. When borrowing squeegee tools from the Lott Park office wall, feel free to leave them at random locations on the Pickleball courts. Someone else will surely put them away.
7. If leading a Rec game 10-0, that’s the time to really *turn things on* and get that hard-fought, much-deserved, *pickle*.
8. Once you reach a certain advanced level of play, don’t bother with the plebes. They can just be left to wallow in their mediocrity.
9. Choose the most interesting time to interrupt a game in progress — such as right before a serve. Players love that.
10. Each year, when JPC memberships come up for renewal, save your money for much more important things … like 3 gallons of gas.
11. If you have been playing less than 1.5 years be sure to coach any and all players that have been playing for 5 plus years seeing that you have been taking some private lessons and know so much more than the experienced players do. -- Andrea Scafidi Robertson
12. If a Referee calls you for a foot fault, it's obvious that he's a friend of your opponents. Make a scene until the call is changed.
13. If your partner calls you for a foot fault during a tournament, never partner with them again. You already have enough adversity in your life.
14. If a wayward shot is heading for an adjacent court, run quickly into their court to retrieve it. Maybe you can catch up to it before someone notices.
15. If your opponent makes an incredible shot to end a rally, an appropriate response would be "You suck!"
16. If a wayward ball rolls onto your court, simply swipe at it with your paddle, sending it back in the general direction it came from -- or anywhere, actually.
17. If it's game-point at a National Tournament and you can't get to a ball to return it, call it "out." Otherwise, the match would be over and you would lose.
18. If, at a Regional Tournament, a volunteer scorekeeper is so self-conscious about NOT making a mistake that her slow pace messes with your game vibe, stop the match and lecture her to tears. "This is a Sanctioned Tournament, d@mnit, not amateur hour." Volunteers are a-dime-a-dozen.
19. If the height of a shot allows for a "return with pace," target the genitals -- unless your opponent is wearing safety glasses, in which case you can go for the face.
20. If, at a tournament, a ball encroaches from an adjacent court, toss yours over, instead, to save time. Balls are balls.

    —- 
    Bill Maloy, USA Pickleball Member #40111
    Level 2 Referee
    USA Pickleball Ambassador for Daphne, AL (Baldwin County)
    JPC Vice President, 2022-2023
    Registered Referee Trainer